Tasting Halal

Owning a restaurant is truly an experience in of itself.  Just when I think I’ve heard it all, someone calls and explodes my brain again.

So here is the conversation:

Friday night about 6:30pm.  Phone rings.  Caller ID says anonymous.  I answer.

“Hello, Al-Masri Egyptian Restaurant.  May I help you?”

“May I speak to the manager?” asks an agitated male voice on the other end.

“Who is calling,” I answer, “what’s your company name and the purpose of your call?”

I’m always cautious when it comes to people calling to ask to speak to the owner or the manager.  I figure that if the caller had done his homework, like visited to my website or dined my restaurant, he’d know who the owner was or at least know the name of the owner.  So right off the bat, I knew there was something fishy about this call.  Fishy further because there is no manager.  It’s just me and my waitstaff.

“I just want to speak to the manager.”

Again, as politely as I can, I put forth the questions of who is calling, what’s your company name, and the purpose of the call.

“You’re very rude!” is the reply.

Rude?  How was I being rude?  I had just answered the phone very politely and identified my business.  Now, I was asking for information that, when I was growing up, was standard practice of responding after the pick-up of the receiver on the other end......’hi, my name is blah blah blah, and I’m calling from blah blah blah (if there were a business involved), and I’d like to speak to the person in charge because blah blah blah....

Instead, “Why do I have to answer your questions?  I just want to speak to the manager.”

All aside, I take a stab at my intuition and ask, “Are you calling with a complaint?”

“Yes, I have a complaint.”

“What is your complaint?”  I ask, and then say, “I’m the owner.”

“Well, you don’t sound like the owner.  I think you’re just saying that.”

My eyebrows rise.  “Yes, I’m the owner, what is your complaint?”

“Well, I don’t believe you.  But, okay, I had dinner at your restaurant last night and ate the meat.”

“Okay......” I say slowly.

“It didn’t taste Halal.”

Huh?  It didn’t taste Halal???  For those of you who don’t know what Halal means, it means denoting or relating to meat prepared as prescribed by Muslim law.  The Jewish religion refers to their food preparation as Kosher.

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you,” I respond with as much composure as I can muster, “I do my meat shopping at Restaurant Depot and I buy the meat there that is stamped Halal.”

“Well, it didn’t taste Halal,” he again said.

All this time, I’m thinking, ‘What does Halal tasting meat taste like?’  I mean, even my Islamic friends confess that there is no difference in taste.

“Well, I’m sorry.  I don’t know what to say.” I reiterate, “I get my meat from Restaurant Depot in San Francisco, and I buy only the meat that is packaged with the word Halal printed on the package.  I’m sure that Restaurant Depot is properly conforming to packaging rules and requirements legally.”

Then I ask him, “What does Halal meat taste like?”  I was curious.  I've never been able to taste any difference.

He answers, “I had your salad and that was really great.  And I also had one of your soft drinks called Jack Daniels.  That tasted really good.  But the meat did not taste Halal.”

So, now I’m in a real dilemma.  I’m thinking, the meat doesn’t taste Halal and the Jack Daniels soft drink was really tasty!  If this fellow wants his meat to be prepared by Islamic law, then what does he know about drinking Jack Daniels?  And, does Jack Daniels actually offer a nonalcoholic drink?  I didn’t think so....  I'm also thinking, someone took this fellow to a Middle Eastern restaurant and somehow unknowingly ended up with a Jack and coke....  This was amusing!  No wonder it tasted good!

“Jack Daniels soft drink?” I ask him.  “Jack Daniels is hard alcohol.  There is no soft drink made by or called Jack Daniels.  Are you sure you had a soft drink called Jack Daniels?”

“Well is was like a Jack Daniels.  Anyway, it tasted good.”

“I don’t serve Jack Daniels in my restaurant.  I don’t have a liquor license.  I have only a beer and wine license.”  

“Well it was a soft drink with the name Jack Daniels.”  Now, I'm thinking that what he drank was a Jack and coke on the rocks and probably thought it was just a Coka-Cola.  I'm sustaining some chuckles.  Someone had played this fellow!  Of course the Jack Daniels tasted good!  it was probably his first.  

This conversation was fast becoming quite amusing!  Laughing softly under my breath, I realized I was starting to have a fun with this devout Muslim fellow whose preference was to Jack and coke rather than the meat dish he had eaten, when it hit me like a thunderbolt right between the eyes!

“Did you say you had dinner at my restaurant yesterday?”  I asked.

“Yes!” he said emphatically.  “And the meat did not taste Halal!!”, as if he was waiting for me to do something about it.

“Well, that’s really funny,” I respond, “because I was closed yesterday.  I don’t open my restaurant on Thursdays any more.  I’ve been closed on Thursdays for over a year!”

Silence...then click.